Back from trip, itching to get back to it

Well the vacation was nice and relaxing. Watching my younger brother get married was definitely a strange experience, but it was very fun none-the-less. Much to my horror, my girlfriend of 9 months caught the bouquet, but I'm sure everyone will get past that, despite the fact that my dad caught the whole thing on video. Needless to say, I'm not in a hurry to get married and I sit mired in the beginning of my 4th year (out of 5) at University, with no car, no money, and not much else aside from my friends and a few semi-styling clothes. Oh, and my 400$ bankroll.

Yes, I'll start posting the numbers again now. I don't remember exactly what the number is, and thanks to my dispondant (sp?) Sony Laptop (shitpieces, for the record), I can't get onto my account from home. But not to worry, I'm going to pick up a nice new Toshiba today and send the Sony away to be repaired for god knows how many months, and then I can move on with my life.

But anyways, the last few weeks before each of these respective vacations had a lot of ups and downs. Okay, one up, and a lot of downs. My bankroll went from 670$ down to 530$ back up to 670$ and then collapsed to a medicre 400-some$. I think it's like 411$ or something to that effect.

Needless to say, seeing my biggest bankroll of all time diminished to almost half of what it once was put me on one hell of a tilt rollercoaster. Vacation has definitely helped get things back in perspective, I'm ready to start with a clean slate, and a lesson learned in how to avoid tilt. I know this is a problem for me because I'm an immature poker player, and since I'm limited to how much I can play, when the bad streaks happen, it has the potential to absolutely ruin my mood, because I really, really, really like to win. It especially stings when it happens on the heals of a hot run ... but through my two year history of playing, this has now happened three times. The previous two times were much less cataclysmic. My bankroll would go from 50 to 200 to 0. And then from 50 to 120 to 0. My first two (and only two) busts, both of which are now almost a year behind me.

This swing comes after I'd taught myself a little more control, and learned some valuable information thanks to the wealth of information available at the cardplayer poker forums. So while I have increased my ability to control my emotions, obviously it's nowhere near enough. So I'll have to take a page out of "Ace on the River", and stop caring so much about the money I have invested on PokerStars. I know it sounds a little funny... But I understood it after I chomped on it for a while. Right now, being a (relatively) poor university student, losing any amount of money is frustrating for me. So I have to let go of the notion that my bank roll is "my money". I have to treat it like it's an investment that will always grow in the long run as long as my "business" decisions are sound at every juncture. I have to stop thinking like "Shit, I just lost my 10$ buy-in .. I've lost five in a row now, so holy shit, I'm out 50 bucks!!!", and start thinking like "My investment will always grow in the long term if I keep making sound decisions."

So as long as I stay within my bankroll, keep my emotions in check, and make the best possible decision at every point, poker should continue to be a mildly profitable, extremely enjoyable hobby that allows for the ocassional luxury. As much as I hate to, I'll be stepping down to 10 NL and 5$ SNG's just for a bit to get my bearings back, and to ease the bankroll back up over $500.

I am still shooting for the 10K though ;)

Good luck on the felt, thanks for reading, and see you again soon.

-- Ken